i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
