I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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