I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
