I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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