u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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