I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
