and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
