I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
