Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize