just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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