We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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