I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
