sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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