Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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