flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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