What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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