my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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