Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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