Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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