Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
