this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
