you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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