thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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