Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize