I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
