I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
