She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
