I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
