I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
