So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
