I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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