when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
