Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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