I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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