you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
