I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
