oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
