then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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