he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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