Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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