So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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