my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
