i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
