fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize