Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
