good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
