Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
