too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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