Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live