I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have aggressive nipples.