It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future