Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
