Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize