i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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