that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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