She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
