im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
