I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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