Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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