nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this is an emotional support booty call
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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